New Year Message:
This is my new year's wish for you and yours and your other yours you don't have anymore because they left you, got poisoned or died. See you in 2007!
-LR
12/31/2006
This is my new year's wish for you and yours and your other yours you don't have anymore because they left you, got poisoned or died. See you in 2007!
-LR
12/29/2006
Monkey Video Responses
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Below you will find two links to video comments about my latest Monkey Suicide video. They go to youtube:
White man video comment
I am appreciative of this lovely white man who left a video comment. I can hear the care in his voice. Thank you white man.
Lion King Monkey Tribute video comments
And this is amazing. I don't want to give it away, but when the candles got snuffed out, I gasped and swallowed my Snickers. So beautiful. Thank you monkey video makin person.
If you leave a video comment, the monkeys will thank you. The live ones, anyways.
-LR
12/28/2006
12/24/2006
Digg into me
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Digg the Lady Raptastic Show
It was suggested to me by a fan to sign our podcast up on a site called Digg. So we did. And now we need you to go there and "digg" it, which is another word for "vote." I think you might have to register on the site. I don't know. Just click here to Digg into me: Digg the Lady Raptastic Show
Download my new song
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Lady Raptastic fan Romel asked me (very nicely) for a downloadable version of my new opening theme song. So, being the lady that I am (and having Chris here to make this for me right before he vomited all over the bathtub from being so drunk from the Inglenook) I present a downloadable version of the theme song:
Lady Raptastic Show Theme Song Version Two.mp3
12/22/2006
NEWSFLASH
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(Chris posted a story about me making a video about monkey suicide, and I would like to elaborate and clear some things up. I, being a woman of truth and honesty, need to set the record straight about this matter.)
I was at a Perkins with Tiki and a man recognized me from a performance I gave at the "Celebrate the Holidaze" Christmas pagent held in the parking lot of the burned down Jewish temple two blocks from my house. He said he enjoyed my rap stylings and asked if I would be interested in writing some material for his charity that works to prevent monkey suicide. I never hearded of such a thing. I gasped. Tiki asked if I was ok and I said no so she went to the waitress to call the ambulance. I could hear her from my booth so I screamed "Do not call the ambulance please Tiki! I am ok. Come sit down here and eat your pot roast please!"
The man chuckled at the whole scene and I look up at him and asked what he thought was so funny. I was completely embarrassed that Tiki would do that. He said I was colorful. I thought that was racist so i got up, shoved him over on top of a table next to us where a couple was eating. He fell on they food and then onto the lap of the man. Tiki asked me if we should leave and I said yes.
We paid our bill before we left (thank you please) and left. The man had given me his card, so the next day I called him. Apparently, he has cervical cancer and if he so much as leans backwards, it makes the cancer worse and causes his number of days left of living to decrease. According to his doctor, when I pushed him onto the table, I removed a month from his life span. So now I am in debt to him to record this song for his monkey suicide charity. And so I did. But you know, the cause has begun to grow on my heart like an enlarged tumor grows on a vital organ.
Chris talked about a video and all that mess. We gonna see about all that. For now, I will write the song. Cervical cancer man has been hounding me to do more work for him, and not the dirty sweaty naked kind, but the kind that involves more writing.
Ok. Now you know the full story from the mouth of the horse mouth. Thank you for listening.
-LR
12/20/2006
12/17/2006
Episode 61: Attorney
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Show Notes: Episode 61:
Scat face, blimp advertising, good people go to heaven and bad people go to jail, lying to an attorney about my legal name, two vaginas and unnatural hair growth, cotton-mouth water-moccasin boa constrictor, puppet on a string, myspace comments, continue pooping and peeing yourself
12/13/2006
Where is Episode 61?
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Its all Lady Raptastic's fault. Actually, I was out of town visiting a couple friends up at Yale (I have friends in high places), and I didn't get back until a couple days ago. We recorded half of the show on Tuesday night, but lost some time because of a new song we put together for the top of the show. Hopefully its worth the two days lost without a new show released. Expect the show out by Friday noon-ish. The Lady will probably key my car for putting that release date pressure on her, but that's my job... to stay on her like a pregnant arabian camel. I promise show 61 will be birthed soon.
-Chris
__________________
This is the Lady. I just saw this message. Yes, Chris was gone at Yale. I know he probably did not speak to his high-places friends about his stripper girlfriend, meth-addiction or his overdue car payments. He probably stole someone's credit card to pay for the trip.
In any case, We have the show recorded and now he has to sit his a** down and edit. It's very hard for him to concentrate, so I sent him to a motel with no cable or internet so he could focus on the show. Me? I'm going to a sale at Macys.
-LR
12/08/2006
Beyonce might not be 25
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"December 5: Over the past few weeks, Media Take Out has received hundreds of emails from people asking us to confirm Beyonce's true age. In an attempt to find the truth, we spoke with dozens of insiders - all of whom believed that Beyonce was being truthful about her age.
But yesterday MediaTakeOut.com received a tip that proved to be explosive. The tipster, who claimed to work for the Texas Department of Health, faxed over what appears to be Beyonce's official birth records. The document (a portion of which is below) shows that a Beyonce Giselle Knowles was born to a Mathew Knowles and Celestine Ann Beyonce on September 4th, 1974. If this document is accurate, that would mean that Beyonce is actually 32 years old.
Beyonce's official biography claims that she was born on September 4th, 1981. It also claims that her mothers maiden name is "Beyince", and not "Beyonce" as the below document shows." (Source)
And I am tellin' you...Beyonce might be a lyin' ho! I hope she not. But if she is. Gurrrrl. I am going to the store and returning all of my House of Derion outfits and asking for a refund, please.
-LR
Share the player
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--Courtland asked me a question that I answered, then thought other people might like to know the answer to. Courtland asked how he can download my shows without using itunes. Yes you can download all my episodes by CLICKING HERE, then downloading each show individually. Itunes is easier, but at least here's way to get my junk up in yo ears in case you don't use itunes or any of the other podsnatchers.
--Also, I have a skype number and a phone number from two fans. We will be calling these two fans on a future show. If you would like to be called by the LR and appear on the show, send us either your skype name of your phone number. You won't be paid, you will have no rights to what we record, and basically you put yourself into our hands. But hey, that's what you do when you ride the bus everyday, so shut yo face and send us yo skype name and/or phone number.
--This reporter in Houston tried to make our J-Hud appear anti-gay. She, like myselves, lerves her gay audience and had this to say about that reporter and the article on her own website. Yes, I stole it straight from her website, hos:
"In a recent interview, I was asked how I reconciled being a Christian with performing at events for my gay fans. I find it upsetting that some folks equate being a Christian with being intolerant of gay people. That may, unfortunately, be true for some, but it is not true for me. I have talked often of my love and support of the gay community. I have said again and again that it was the gay community that supported me long before and long after AMERICAN IDOL, and kept me working and motivated. It is the gay community that celebrated my voice and my size and my personality long before DREAMGIRLS. Yes, I was raised Baptist. Yes, I was taught that the Bible has certain views on homosexuality. The Bible also teaches us not to judge. It teaches us to love one another as God loves us all. I love my sister, my two best friends and my director dearly. They happen to be gay. So what? While some search for controversy, I hope that my friends and fans who know me, know where I stand."
-One last thing. I've been getting a few requests from people wanting to put the podcast player onto their sites. Here you go, hos:
Copy and paste the following code to add the Podcast Player to your page:
It's merry mother f****ing Christmas time, hos!
-LR
12/07/2006
Episode 60: Koko
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Show Notes
Naming 20 flavors of ice cream, drunk podcasting, Lady Raptastic being hunted, digging a hole inside a hole to poop in, the best lessons are lessons that teach you other lessons, Koko the gorilla, shooting a child in the face.
Links mentioned in the show:
-Click to go to the Mister Rodgers video page. Once you're there, click on "Launch in Quicktime" to watch the video. This is what you heard us watching on Episode 60.
-Click to view the Koko and Michael gorilla art page where you can find the painting "Pink, Pink, Stink, Nice Drink" by Koko. The titles of the paintings are abbreviated on this page, so click on the them to display the full titles.
12/05/2006
Beyonce makes fat joke
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Finally we hear from miss Beyonce about the jealousy rumors. I stole dis from People magazine and Trent:
"You can put those rumors of a feud on the set of Dreamgirls to rest. Beyonce Knowles says that she and her costar Jennifer Hudson, of American Idol fame, didn't have bad blood while filming the movie. "I knew that the character that I played wasn't the star," Knowles, 25, told reporters on Saturday about knowing full well that her Diana Ross-esque role of Deena Jones was less meaty than Hudson's part as Effie White .. a part that is already getting Hudson Oscar buzz. "She wasn't the underdog. She didn't have the struggle and the pain and the dramatic scenes that Effie had, and I was fine with that" ... So, what about the rumors of jealousy towards Hudson? "It's really unfortunate that everyone is saying I'm jealous of Jennifer. It hurts my heart because it's so cliched. ... They're saying that I'm mad when I knew going into this that I was playing Deena," said Knowles. "Because I'm a star they just automatically assume that I'm not humble enough to sit down and take a back seat, which I am"
Ok, that message was very nice. And written just for her. She could have left the script there and walked away, but the truth had to come gushing from forth of her mouth:
"But the R&B star did admit that she would have liked to have sung Effie's song, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" ... "I mean," said Knowles, "I wish I could've gained 20 pounds and played Effie."
She wishes she could gain 20 pounds? Is she not allowed? Or able? What does this mean? Let LR tell you what dis mean....Beyonce a fake ho who is dang jealous she can't sang like her costar. That was a die-recccck smack against J-Hud. I love me some Beyonce, but this, combined with her two stupid songs from her latest album, the bad album cover with the piles of hair, and the attempt to make "Listen" into her own "And I am Telling You" makes me want to ditch Beyonce fo the real deal... J-Hud.
Okaaayy!?!??
-LR
12/03/2006
Beyonce Theory
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Beyonce and her diddy hate the Dreamgirls movie because it makes her look like a b**** and makes Jennifer Hudson look like a star. J-Hud can SANG and Beyonce and be pretty. So here's my theory. Go with me, ho.
She released a song from the movie before it opens to draw attention to herselves. And it also is a big-old sangin song, like the one we will all hear J-Hud sang in the movie theater, "And I am tellin you," which according to People magazine, make people stand up and clap...during a movie!
So here is Beyonce's attempt at getting your attention before you see the movie and get swept into the delicious voice of J-Hud.
Now, I like the song. Don't get me wrong. And she sang it good. But do she not sound like she trying to sound like J-Hud? All that growlin...that is not Beyonce. That's Beyonce going "Sh** now I gotta really sang so I dont get all hidden behind the gloriousness of the one and only J-Hud." Beyonce never had any competition with her fellow Destiny's Child grrrlz. They could not sang to save they lives. But J-Hud? Please. She blow Beyonce away harder than Katrina ever could. And ain't no one goin to come rescue her once J-Hud is done with her. Now..listen to J-Hud. And bow down to the greatness.
-LR
12/02/2006
Cheryl Merkowski hates me
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I was googlin myselves tonight and came across this post written by Cheryl Merkowski on her blog:
"I hate when PPL Comment on Myspace To Hock Their Own Sh**
I hate that out. Why you trying to publicize your podcast or videocast to all my friends? HUH? If they want to know about your sh**, they will go to your sh***y, crash your browser, myspace POS page. That is retarded. I will delete all such comments god damnit. That pisses me off. My space sucks enough, people ain't gotta spam all their "friends" with their stupid shit. Christ, I know my sh** is wonderful and millions of people would appreciate it, but I don't go spamming people's myspace POS profiles with that sh**. Fu**. Reason 983 why myspace sucks a**c***t lyps.
This was inspired by the very funny, yet apparently retarded Lady Raptastic doing just this. What a whore. If she was not so funny I would burn her a new fake blaque gine."
I have never been hated on like that since Bastardcast tore me a new one. No hard feelings to Merkowski, though. She has a right to her opinion. But dang she can get mean when want to, hmm? Sorry Smoky Mama.
This was her response. Yay!
"Oh honaye! I don't hate you!!!! Christ... you are one of my favorite podcasts. You make me all moist downstairs whenever I see that you have a new progrum out. SHIET. And I ain't like not basturdcast..... YUCK! F***in assholes... the things they be said about you.
It was mostly that I was annoyed that other people do it, and when I seen that YOU... my favorite blaque womyn was doing it... OY! Just threw me ovah the edge. You know? It is like.. I would expect it from people with sh***y shows that NEED to go spam people to get listenturds.... but you? NO! You don't need to be doing that sh** honaye. Just be a lil more creative in advertising ;) People appreciate a bit more sore-fist-a-cation... ya know what I am sayin?
No HARD feelings... you are the A+++++++++++++ and I can't wait for your next show/video! Be confident in UR produck, as it be so good that people should be advertising for you themselves!
I am happy you be googlin and finding my blog though ;) Hope you keep reading.
Stay smokey grrl!
Cheryl"
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