Beyonce and hobblin'

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--I have a beef with Beyonce. I read That her and her daddy want the "Dreamgirl" movie re-redited because it make her look like a b**** and make Jennifer Hudson look like a star. I can't wait. Down with Beyonce and up with J-Hud!

--I hobbled a neigbor by mistake yesterday. She was coming into my apartment to drop off a key she had of mine. (She house-sat for me while I was in jail for a week a few months ago) She was on her way to work and didn't want to wake me. So she let herself in, put the keys onto the table...and I came up behind her (thinkin she was a burglar) and swung a lead pipe at the back of her knees. She is now crippled. I apologized at the hospital, but she just kept screaming at me. So I put a pillow over her face...you know...just to calm her down... Well, the nurse came in at thatexact moment and all hell broke lose. I got a talking-to from the doctor and I was taken to the in-hospital detention center, which is below the morgue and above the cafeteria. I had to stay there for 24 hours until I "calmed down." Hospitals is stupid.

-LR

Tim made me a video

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Tim from Gorainbowradio.com posted a delicious and nutritious video response to episode three of my Videocast. Watch it on youtube HERE! (I was interviewed on his wonderful show on Episode 18) You know... he cute. I did't know that till I seent this video. I want his gay inside me. Even if it is gay. Don't hate.

Anyways, I wanted to post this note and say thank you in public to him for his video and to encourage all yall lazy people to get in front of a video camera and send some loves my way the way he did. And you don't have to be no hot gay man to do it either. You can be a pretty white girl. Just get on yo cam and do yo jam. (Snatchtastic I am talkin to you!)

-LR

Videocast Episode 3!

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Hi everyone. Sorry it has taken so long to get the third video episode out. We have had trouble with the editing program. Plus, for the past two days I've been getting drunk on Inglenook and watching CSI Miami reruns on A&E. Did you know that the only black person on that show is creepy and stuffed in a back room where she cuts open dead people? That ain't right.

Lady Raptastic Episode 3: Teacher Interview

Please go watch it. Then, you know what to do:

1. Rate it.
2. Leave a comment.

Because of the high number of ratings and comments, the last video was awarded a #1 spot on Youtube in two different categories! Make me a happy woman again.

-LR

Episode 58: Stick a Stump

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Show Notes:
-Where do babies come from?
-Wanda Wisdom interviews the Lady.
-Lang Lang doesn't have a gank.
-A-Monster-God needs to put on her black face and slip Kevin a roofie.
-Article: "Leaving the grave-y, passing the stuffing,"
-Love found in a pumpkin patch
-only drink a colonic when your despressed
-touching the Lady's physical deformities
-the pros and cons of Lady Raptastic bursting into flames
-the best way to eat a homeless man.

Wanda Wisdom interviews me!

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Recording tonight!

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The time has come for show 58, and show 58 you will get! We gots to record it first though. It might come out tomorrow if I don't kill myselfs first. I just bought a cat and it died before I got home. I had my window down and it was looking out with his head. When I got cold, I rolled up the window, and ya'll... his head fell off. I screamed and spun the wheel of my car which sent me flying through the embankment on the interstate, careening over a small cliff. My car rolled four times and burst into flames. Luckily a 6 foot tall black, built fire fighter was there to pull me out. I got one word... Insurance. Okaaaaay!!!!

Chris can't wrap his white face around the problem we are experience with the editing program for our videos, so that's why its not out yet. We workin on it. If you are itching for some lady right this moment (ooh, that sounds dirty), listen to the Rainbow Radio interview of me by clicking here. Tell me if you like the interview. I loves you all!

-LR

Things got heated

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Hello, I am here to apologize on behalf of Chris and myselfs for the heated language that was exchanged between Chris and myselfs in the last post. We was both very hung over on Inglenook wine and emotional. In fack, we was typing within 20 feet of each other on different computers, but we was too sick to move. In fack, we wasn't even screaming, it was all just typed.

If you are still inclined to repost a bulletin for Lady Raptastic, it might be most effective to post something in your own words. If you are retarded and do not have words, I will probably post some HTML on my blog in the near future, as soon we learn how to do it.

Chris is coming back over my house tonight to work on the video podcast. I am taping a show with Wanda Wisdom on Sunday and will be recording my show that same night. I loves all you.

-LR

Mass Bulletin Day

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This is Chris. Mass Bulletin Day is officially cancelled. I've been sitting here for two hours trying to figure out how to display html but I CAN'T DO IT!!! I'm going to the strip club to pick up Katrina. F*** this sh**
______________

Update: Dis is Lady. THIS. IS. RETARDED. You going to sit here and cancel MY Mass Bulletin Day cuz yo white a** can't figure dis sh** out! Why do I pay you Chris? YOU ARE RUINING ME! I am going to follow you to the strip club and Teddy Pendergrass your tires and your throat FU**ER!
________________

Update: This is Chris. If you think you can do it, YOU post the HTML! If I see you at the club I swear to god I will send 20 cops with FU**ING nightsticks to beat the SH** out of you!
_______________

Update: Dis is Lady. Chris I swear to god I will take yo white face and rip it off and swap it with a monkeys face! YES, I EAT BUSHMEAT!

Happy Myspace Bulletin Day!

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It ain't ready yet. I got drunk last night and passed out before i could get the thing from my friend. She busy untiil noon so now I gotta wait for her.

In the mean time, I gotta go to the store, then take myself for a walk, then take a can of soup to the homeless shelter for "We Need Food" day (it's an annual tradition in my neighborhood). Help the homeless please. Then I gotta get the toes waxed, the floors enameled and my potted palm needs to be repotted. It's dying. It's placed near the heater so so that might be why it's dying. Or because my neighbor's cat pee on it when it gets into my house.

In any case, sit tight, the bulletin will be coming later in the day.

Do not judge, ho.

PS: while you waiting, go here and listen to the song "I Want a Brown Baby." she crazy ho.

-LR

Episode 57: Monkeys

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News
The Lady has been very lucky to be loved by many podcasting people in the podcasting community of podcasting people for podcasts. Podcast. And of course by "many", I mean two.

I will be featured on an episode of Go Rainbow Radio hosted by my new friend Tim! If you don't see it out yet, it is probably because it is not out yet... even though Tim say it would be out on Saturday, Tim!

I am drunk and emotional right now. I accidentally step on my hampster this morning. Let me put it this way, there was no need for mouth to mouth resuscitation. I did not have shoes on, but believe me, my feet are so hard that I usually don't need them. Have you ever felt a hoof?

I am also lining up a show with my friend Ms. Wanda Wisdom (the lesbian). Whenever I listen at her show, she make me smile. I love to smile. I love to touch a man's stagger. So Wanda, if you reading at this, I will contact you soon. My people will contact yo people and we will all have a pool party. A naked lesbian pool party!

One more thing: Mass Bulletin Day is tomorrow the 16th. This is when a MASS of people repost the HTML that I provide in my blog. I love you.

-LR

Episode 2 is honored!

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Article from Episode 56

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Surgery: A mental challenge

If you've ever raised a child, you know the difficulties every parent must endure. However, if you've ever raised a retarded child, you know that these difficulties can easily be compounded by ten. Linda Brichard, from Norfolk, Virginia, is a normal person with normal people genes, so is her husband Tom. The thought of having retarded babies was more distant from her mind than being assaulted by an ape at a barber shop (although this did happen to her once). However, despite her intense prayers for a healthy child, little Harry was born on December 24, 1995 with severe micro-inflammatory conjouleosis. Although the birth date suggests this infant was a Christmas gift from God, for Linda and Tom, it was more like a Christmas curse from Satan.

The sickness, also called "cock foot syndrome," or "CFS," is a debilitating illness limiting range of motion and mental awareness of one's own extremities, in addition to the gradual browning of the testicles.For Harry's parents, this was simply a minor setback, "I wasn't going to just sit back and watch Harry's testicles brown," says Linda, "We wanted for our son, what every parent wants for their child, flesh colored testicles." Having heard of a breakthrough medical treatment being practiced locally which was said to cure the cock foot, the couple implored Dr. Walst Miller for help. "I could immediately see that Harry's case was severe. Bone deterioration and an excess growth of skin and open wounds made him look pitiful," explained Dr. Miller. When asked to describe the sight, he said, "Have you ever dropped pieces of chicken meat onto a plate of vanilla pudding?"

At age three, Harry underwent the intense surgery to repair his shattered body. The operation was a success and miraculously, over the next year, the little boy's health reached that of a normal child's. Now, closing in on his eleventh birthday, Harry is better than ever and his parents couldn't be happier, "With his health under control," says Tom, "His mother and I have more time to focus on the treatment of our advanced HIV." Harry's story has certainly taught us all to slow down and enjoy our days on earth. When life throws us a challenge, embrace it as an opportunity to retard.

(Possibly written by Chris)

Videocast Episode 2

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Click to watch Videocast Episode 2: "Beef". Once you watch it, help us by leaving a video or text comment on the video's page and subscribing. All these things help the show get noticed. That is, if you want it to get noticed. If you don't, then shut yo face and stab yo eyeballs with a Lady Bic razor please.

-LR

Episode 52: Robot

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Episode 56 Show Notes: Lady apologizes for Chris's "thing" at the end of Episode 2 Videocast which is coming out shortly, Tipples is the word of the day, Does Inglenook make vodka?, Marie's letter, Spice Girls, Milkin Nuts, AP Story: Parentng, If yo thoughts is slow-you're stress is low-Be retarded, What would you do if your whole butt fell off, name 20 babies, Who is Tune Daley?, poolside at the Motel 8, Wow that's a twist

Remember, November 16 is Mass Bulletin Day! Check back here for HTML that we will all repost at the same time. Spread the love of the Lady!

Have I been blonde?

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My myspace friend Brian emails:

"Have you ever been a blonde?"

Answer:

"Yes Brian. When I was 10, I had a spray bottle full of water that I used on my head every morning. One day, my dog was struck by a car which inflicted very bad wounds on her pelvis. My mother replaced the water in my spray bottle with hydrogen peroxide to use on the dog's wounds, but I did not know that she made the switch. So, I kept using the chemical on my hair until it turned yellowish orange. Not quite a true blonde, but close. I was called copper-top for over a year and a half."

-LR

Side note: Show 56 is done. Videocast 2 is done. They ain't released yet so keep checking back. This is what Chris said to me about the new podcast... "I think this is probably my favorite show so far." He ain't one to embellish. The end of videocast 2 has something extra special from Chris that was very nice, but disturbing at the same time. When you see it, please post your comments on the video page and rate it!

I've been rewarded!

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I am so happy I could record an entire rap album titled, "Fat bitch, crunk spooge"! Its a working title, do not judge. My very first YouTube video has been awarded ..63 in "most discussed comedies" and ..70 in "top rated comedies" for today's ranking. (The large picture above was taken before these numbers got so low, low being good, ho) Thank you all for watching. You have warmed my lady bowels more than you will ever know!

This reminds me of the time in fourth grade when I won an end of year superlative for widest waist band. They measured it by cutting out the elastic part of my sweatpants, and laying it out end to end. They said it matched the length of a Geo Prizm. First of all that be a very small car, and second of all I think they was stretching the elastic. My pants were falling down for the rest of the day so they had to staple the bottom of my shirt to the top of my sweats. I looked like one of those circus clowns that be wide at the middle and thin everywhere else.

I gots to go. The new podcast will be out early next week and the new videocast should come out a little later. We trying to make it better, I promise, but give us some slacks for these first few tries! Don't forget Mass Bulletin Day is November 16!!! Check back here for the html that we will ALL repost at once!

-LR

Videocast Episode 1!

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Click to watch Videocast Episode 1

So here it is. The first ever episode. Now, don't be expectin no 30 minute show,ho. This be video. You cain't be doin that junk with video. it's about 3 minutes long and it's cute. I run the camera and Chris shows his white face.

Please tell us what you think about it. We want your opinion, even if you hate it. And if you leave some nasty comment, I will not get mad. I will just eat a bag of you know what and drink a bottle of you know what, throw up, then eat it again.

Subscribe to the show on our Youtube, ho. It won't be on the regular podcast feed cuz Chris says that would be too expensive. Cheap ho. Oh and PLEASE leave comments and ratings on youtube! Those things matter in the world of the internets, ho. If we plan to dominate the universe, we need your ratings, your Subscription and yo love.

Drink Inglenook. It's good please.

-LR