Show 44- Listener Feedback

I got some feedback on show 44 I wanted to share with you. I have listed those comments below for your viewing pleasure. Producer Chris is very nice and I think we bump off each other well. The thang is I have to walk him to the bus stop every night when we record because he afraid he gonna get jacked. And his fears are probably well-grounded in reality, as white people do not fare well in my necks of the wood.

Also, a couple podcasts have made mention of the Lady on they shows and have been in touch about swappin promos. That is not nothin dirty, it's just when a podcast agrees to play an ad for another podcast in exchange for the same thing on the other show. We plan on producing new podcasts weekly and releasing them on Mondays. Don't hold me to that particular day though. It could be Tuesday depending on our schedule, and the tv schedule (I gots to watch my soap re-runs).

Please email me questions for the "letters" portion of the show or call the Lovely Lady Line (1-877-506-3403) with your questions or comments. If you email me, I will most likely use your question on the show. But please... nothin about no meth addiction.

Here are some comments on show 44:

Jason from the A**cast writes,

"Holy S***!, I really had to stop a few times, cuz I laughing so hard. It was all the bumper Music, HEYYYYYY this is the farrrrrrr side seeeeegment. I cant even type in laughing so hard. Ok, no strings attached, I have picked on you in the past but I'm done, you are a funny f*****. I really hope you keep doing this new format."

Lori, a fan, writes,

"...You are as funny as ever! I almost spit out my chinese food (rice everywhere!) when you were talking about the doctor checking your 'lady bowels' to see if you got something up in there....... thought for a second i was going to need the heimlich!!!"

Chocolate Cake, a fan, writes,

"GURL that was the FATTEST podcast I have ever seen in braille. When you said you was about to change your format. . I gots worried. . but I will say this. . I likes it. I didnt know that it was gonna be long though. BUT I STILL LOVED IT!!!! you had me ROOOOOLLLLLIN!!! Thanks for the podcast!!! GIVE US SOME MORE!!!! HOLLA!!"

Erick Kaine at Cafe De Soul writes,

"Lady, Lady, Lady!!!!!!! Hello Lady Raptastic....Hello? Sorry for the repeated one liners, I know you get them all the time. I am contacting you because I run a small internet radio station CafeDeSoul Radio (http://www.cafedesoulradio.com) I would like to know if it is OK to rebroadcast your newly formatted show on the station? I am a new listener but have heard just about every show to date, glad you back up and able to move again ;)"


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Who is Liza Minelli

One of my gay fans sent me the link to this video and I have no idea who she is but she is CRAZY!! Her name is Liza Minelli and I am guessing she used to be a singer. But her laugh sound like she about to die. My favorite part is when a boy call in and say he a musical theater major at a college...AND SHE STARTS TO LAUGH AT HIM. She crazy.

Grillz- Save the bling for the ring

I love the grillz song and am seriously condsidering getting me a lower set. I asked a person I work for if it would make them not give me hours and they said no I could get them. The only thing is the money. I gotta find a way to get some money for it. I could make another song, but this time charge for it. Would anyone pay for that if I released a 99 cent sangle?

Justin Raptastic

Justin of the Bastardcast out-Dorito-d me. I am very complimented. I wish we was getting money from Doritos for all dis stuff. Hello!? You listenin Doritos!?

-LR

Show 44: Lady Bowels

SHOW_44.mp3:
(pre-show): Britney and Lady Raptastic
1. Opening Monologue: cow tipping with a white friend
2. Far Side segment- I make up my own Far Side comic (two of them to be exacts)
3. News- a gang has a nut-themed name, Miss Deaf Texas is dead, and there's something else I forgot. But it's there.
4. Letters- people ask for my advice and I give it.
5. Fan letters- collected from myspace
6. Weather- how it is here.


SHOW_44.mp3

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My New Podcast Show

Ya'll something be up with my blog in explorer. If you can't see this page correct, its because somethin be faulty up in my system. Somethin also be faulty up in my bodily system too girl! Ive been on the toilet since 2am! I woke up sweatin and shivering, went on the toilet, and have not left! Its almost 5pm and Im still sittin here waitin for this torment to end. Lukily I have my laptop and the sink be within leaning distance so I can drink girl. A woman needs to replenish lost fluids, OKAAAAAAY! Im feeling much better though so Im going to be gettin up soon.

Dis be a major announcement from da Lady Raptastic news desk: The lady will be releasing a new podcast in the next couple days. I have hired me a new producer and cohost. His name be Chris and he is completely white. He also a Bastardcast fan, but he cheap so I hired him. Dis show will be unlike any of my past shows but ya'll will have to be tuning up in here to find out how. Spread da love of da lady and tell all yo friends to check back in on Tuesday for dis ONE HOUR podcast event! Lady Raptastic sends her love to all the peoples of the world!

Viva Podcast Talk Lady Talk

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Viva Podcast (vivapodcast.com) found me on Myspace and sent me a very sweet email in February. They then bespoke about me on they show and played a part of Show 40: Beer Man. My producer clipped the portion from they show where they discuss the Lady and put this little "special" together. I love hearing from other podcasts, so if you are a podcaster, please contact me and let's make the magic happen.


vivatalklady.mp3

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Horse Drownings and the Lady

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Tha above "art" is featured in this post on the "Horse Dorwnings" podcast blog. I had to share it with you because, well, it is absolutely incredible. Please listen as I share with you the rambunctionsness that has been partaking over at the Horse Dorwnings blog about I, the Lady. I will include the original blog posts and then my comments below them.

March 5th, 2006 briz says:
I feel my life getting sucked out of me listening to her show.. I’m scared to think how this movie will be..a fat retarded b**** you can’t kill!!!...Help me.

Let me tell you something. If I was a vampire I would take Briz by the neck bone and swing him around my vampire head like a jump rope and let his a** crash into a wall or a metal lamp. Please. he need to step. Next!

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March 5th, 2006 Justin of the BastardCast says:
Is that Lady Rapastic? I cant stop laughing
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Below you will find my very goood reply to all of this nonsense:

March 16th, 2006 Lady Raptastic of the Bastardcast Says:
Let me tell you something mister art with my photos all over yo blog. I do not have time for this nonsense. I want you to take all this mess down right now. I am not Keenan and I am not Draculas. Please. This is pure evil. I have been skinned alive, bar-b-qued, spit fired and roasted enough by those hos over at Bastardcast. I do not need it from yo a** as well. And I saw that comment you left on my blog: “Quit being retarded about things and get back to work.” Only one being retarded is you. I got problems, crisises and things of a very sad nature to deal with. I feel as though you pay these things no reguard. Well, that is yo choice, but please remember that you do not know what I am going through. I try to communicate it on my blog but it seem like it’s too much to get through yo thick a** head.

So quit the hatin and start the celebratin…I got me a new show up, ho! It’s called “Show 41″ and it’s a good one. I share all about my time in the airline industry. And it’s short…unlike the bastardcast who like to ramble on and on about nothin. They need to maybe get a hobby like working out or social skills and ettiquette and learn something rather than wastin they time with podcasting.

Subscribe to the lady and love her, ho!

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March 17th, 2006 briz Says:
Lady Rap, You are a crybaby. All you see is someone pokin fun at your retarded image. If you would take half a second and think…..this is free advertising for your crappy show!!! Because of these funny a** pictures of you I am now a listener of the train wreck you call a show!

Thank you baby. Keep on listening to my...trainwreck. I appreciate new listeners.

Now you are putting your self in a place to be made fun of..Get over it!! If you can handle a few people laughing at you instead of with you then you should quit podcasting and quit trying to be a rapper or whatever the (heck) you do, because the is just going to be more people to poke fun at your fat a**!!

I can feel the love coming from you. I really can.

L-Rappy you suck now get over it or quit!! But if you quit then you the f***ing retard everybody thinks you are!!

Ain't nobody quitting up in this podcast. I may be down, but I am never out. Please. The lady will be here. She just trip and fall and spill herself now and then. But, like when you spill the contents of yo purse in a crowded bar and people be steppin on yo eyeshadows and hair brushes and gum, you get down on all your knees, pick your stuff back up and keep on dancing. And that is what I plan to do. Pick up mu junk and keep trainwrecking forward. Hello!?

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March 17th, 2006 Justin of Lady Raptastic of the B******Cast Says:
Lady, why the (heck) would you censor the word a**? A** is like the best f***ing word ever.

I happen to be able to think of several words that are much better than a**. How about jabberjaw, liplock, huggy, squid and my personal favorite, pandemic. I love that word pandemic. It sounds so medical.

And Lady, i have a BUNCH of people that are now listening to your show because of the fun we had. It was all in fun and you shouldnt hang it up on our account. Grow some balls and get to recording Lady, my iTunes list is empty.

Well, at least something good come out of all that evil and debaucheriousness. Though I doubt yo audience be on the same page and wavelength as the Lady. But you never know I guess. And yo itunes list should not be empty. I have a new podcast. you need to go to it and subscribe, ho. Subscribe in Itunes.

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March 18th, 2006 briz says:
Justin what the (turd) are you saying? I bet under some of those layers of lard Craptastic has some nads! They may be sufficated but I bet she has a couple of raisenettes and an adam’s apple. Damn it lady pooptastic I’m tired of you wining like a little (female dog) so suck it up eat an oreo and f***in start micing some shee-ot!!!

Ok, Briz. I will mic some "shee-ot" as soon as I get some coffee in me. You'll see. I will come back. As Beyonce say "I'm a Survivor."

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Rihanna vs Laura Branigan

Dis hot. I love me some Laura and Rihanna so this is perfect! You know Laura Branigan? She this white lady back in the 80's who had a few big songs. Then she died recently from leeches. Very mysterious. She was found in the cabana behind her house with a leech in her throat. It had lodged itself in there and she choked to death. Then it sucked the blood from her head. So when they found her, her face had shrunken inward. I saw photos back when it happened. I became vominous but held it back. But I could taste it. You know how that happens? I don't like it when that happens.

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Broke teeth

My cousin Alphonso was at a basketball game over the weekend and as per usual, made a complete dodo out of hisself. His care taker can be seen to the right of him, sitting there ignoring the whole thing. I would too if he was acting as crazy as he usually does at functions. (Source)

Yesterday I had a tooth reconstructed. It had felled out during a game of soccer I was playing with some kids on the street over the weekend. They wanted me to be goalie. I told them I did not have experience doing such, but they felt I would make a good shield. I did not know what they meant by that, but I joined in. I knew they had no parental supervision, plus I was bored. My tv is broke.

The next podcast will feature a new format. More structured like a news program and less, well, less whatever it is I do on my shows...talk I guess.

And speaking of the show, I need you alll to please slap a badge on your myspace page or blog to spread the word about the Lady. My producer told me my numbers is down and if they get any lower, he is going to start charging me money for him to produce my show. Y'all, I cannot have that. So, please badge it up. And when you do, send me a note so i can come and see your handywork. I wish I could reward y'all for your work, but all I can offer is a smile and maybe a link up on dis blog.

-LR
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Show 42: Sad and Drunk

Things is hard right now so please bare with me as I drink and roominate about my life's perponderances and how I am going to get myself out of them all. I know things will turn out for the best, but, ho, I am on my last legs. I need a soft drink and a favorite beverage to even get through the recording of this podcast.


show42_sadanddrunk.mp3

-LR
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The Lady Raptastic Podcast: 1-877-506-3403
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Show 41- Criffer Interview

Show 41 is here! Criffer, a friend on myspace, interviews me about my time flying the friendly skies, for a school project. (Read his blog about the interview. He is so sweet! I loves me some Criffer.) Leave a message on the Lovely Lady Line and tell me what you think about this week's show and show the lady some love please: 1-877-506-3403. Do it now please.

This whole idea came from Criffer, so props to him for asking for the interview. I loved to sharing more of myselves with the planet. If you would like to interview da lady, email me and then call 1-877-506-3403 and record your questions. I may just use you up in a future show. But, you have to be as charming and sweet as the Criffer. Otherwise, i do not have time for you. So step, ho.


Show 41.mp3


-LR
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The Lady Raptastic Podcast: 1-877-506-3403
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LR is sad, y'all

I have gotten several messages from fans of the show recently asking me when the next show is coming out. I tmay never happen again. I am feeling so utterly depressed and alone right now. I have never felt this way before.

About two weeks ago I got a notice from a collection agency about a store credit card I'd used and stopped making payments on 6 years ago. It was a long story but basically, I signed up for the card to get 10% off a pot from their housewares department. And then I moved, so the address they had for me was wrong. The pot was $12. Now with all the added late charges, termination fees, "back-end dues" and "talliation financial adjustments" (what they is?) I owe them $6,000.

For a $12 pot that has now got a broken handle and sits outside in my backyard with a dead cherry tomato plant in it.

I have been huddled in my tv room watching Regis and Kelly in the mornings, then the Nanny in the late mornings, then the Judge shows in the afternoon and finally some dramas at night. This is how it's been all week. I am frozen. Completely frozen.

Tiki calls me and I do not pick up the phone. Other friends text me and I read them and delete the texts. The pizza man comes and I answer the door of course. But I eat alone. In silence. Except for a cd playing of Teddy Pendergrass, over and over and over.

The Lady is sad and the inspiration to make shows gone. I can't go on forever hiding. I know God has a plan for me. But for now, I am sitting here eating food and watching tv until I can find a way out of this misery.

-LR

England girl loves LR!!!

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Jolly old England has brought us many things: tea, crumpets, Mary Poppins, David (hot legs) Beckham and now...me! Apparently my podcast is reaching England now, judging by this fan letter from Olivia and Huggy. Take it away Olivia and Huggy:

"HEY!! Lady Raptastic: Girl you are Fan-rapping-tastic! it was a mirical (thank you jesus) that we found you. You are the best thing i have ever heard. i am a fan, i think your beautiful, intelligent and the funnyist person to ever existed, okayyy!"

Well so far so good! I like the way this be going!

"My Mother (Huggy) and i are addicted to your show. My name Olivia Owen and i am 18 years old. I am half english and icelandic (this is not my falt)."

Your Momma's nickname be Huggy? That's cute. I like that. I think I might name my tapeworm Huggy. And as far as the whole being half English and half Icelandic thing, I do not know what that mean. Be proud of yoself and where you came from. I don't care if peoples is half Scandanavian and half Republican, we all people. We all got mouths to speak with, hands to make bowls with and legs to kick faces with (when needs be okaay!?) Don't look a gift horse face in it's mouth hole. Use what you got to get where you goin girl and don't be ashamed of yo flavah!

"you are the best, I love the way you think and your outlook on life. we here in england appreciate your show. Thank you for educating me in the ways of the world."

Thank you for that, boo. I do have a positive outlook on life and like to spread it around like Nair on my knee caps. And I am so thrilled to the skies that people in England is gettin the Lady. Maybe I will change my name to Madge and move there. You never know. Stranger things have happened. Look at R. Kelly.

"And if you ever need someone to watch your back, sister. give me a holler, cuz i am a Viking and can kick some serious . OKAYYY! Love you baby. --Olivia and Huggy"

Well, Olivia and Huggy, I wish you the best and hope England is fun. I want to go there sometime and hunt for MAry poppins. I know she be there somewhere, shooting down chimneys and messin up chalk pictures. Feed them birds, ho!

-LR
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Who Hoodia?

Y'all I got this email sent to me about a weight loss supplement called "Hoodia 920." You ever heard of this? Apparently it's a magic drug that melts away the pounds. Just look at these testamonials that was in the email:

"I was originally amazed that the first two pills I took of Hoodia 920+, almost immediately took my cravings away. Now 4 weeks later, 3 belt holes later, I have become an advocate for this awesomely powerful, natural supplement!"

-Amelia B., San Diego

Wow this person sound so sincere and real and EXCITED about Hoodia, don't they? And three belt holes...that sounds dirty okaaay!!?? And, that's gonna be the name of my first album, "Awesomely Powerful Natural Supplement." And is Amelia B really Amelia Bedelia, the beloved classic children's character? If you do not recall, Amelia Bedelia, or now going as "Amelia B," was a maid in a huge house who found new and challenging ways to clean. For some reason, the book only appeared in black elementary schools. I know this because NONE of my white friends (and I have four thank you) heard of it. Was they trying to get black children interested in house cleaning at a young age? Was Amelia Bedelia some undercover governenment operation set up to use Amelia B as a pied piper to lure black children to the cleaning profession? Maybe. More to come as I research this new finding.

"I tried Hoodia 920+ after visiting your website, and I lost a few pounds without doing anything else. I was so amazed I decided to start exercising and getting outside more and I even starting eating better. Now I don't even look like the same man. Friends I haven't seen for more than a year don't even recognize me. The change is that dramatic! Thank you …. Hoodia 920+ really works!"

Mike Brown, Las Vegas

Mike Brown. That name just sounds fake. Like Tom Jones or Juice Newton. I wonder if Thandie Newton is her daughter. If I were Juice I'd name my daughter "Fig," like the cookie. That would make people giggle. And I love to see people laugh. it's the ultimate expression of jubilations coming from inside exploding forth like a face volcano. I like that out of nowhere, Mike decided to start exercising. He just lost a few pounds and said "Hmmm...that exerices bike looks mighty tempting!" Please. Mike, you a fake ho.

Please, if any of you know about this "Hoodia" diet drug, let LR know. I want to make fun of it some more. Hoodia. Please.

-LR
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The Lady Raptastic Podcast: 1-877-506-3403
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Unbelievable but true, ho!

I was at a convenience store at 2am in the mornin buying a cherry coke slurpy and two bags of Cooler Ranch Doritos. (I love they new bag design, don't you? It looks like health food now) I went to the desk to pay and this man was asleep at the register. Asleep! I pulled out the boat horn I always carry with me when I am out of mace, and squeezed the trigger. He bolted upright, gave me a dirty look and beep-beeped my purchases. I scanned my debit card across the machine and he said "Um, it's denied. Do you have another form of payment?"

I said "Who what Harvard Business Review?!"

He said, "Denied. Your card is not worthy of making a purchase. Maybe you should blow that horn at your bank instead of me."

I looked at him and...I started to cry. I knew what the real truth was. I was broke. I look at him and said, "Please, sir, I know I blew a horn in your face and woke you up, unnerving you and causing you great pains...but can I please have this food for free? I am broke."

He took a store microphone, pulled it to his mouth, and said as loud as he could, "No!"

I grabbed the Doritos and run out the door. He apparently had a gun and shot three bullets through the window at me. I did a rolling dive onto the ground, feeling the bullet graze the back of my unshaven neck. A millimeter lower and the lady would have been paralyzed from the neck down...again! I crawled under a car and the man came out the front doors looking for me. I didn't know it at the time, but there was a man inside the car I was above. He started the car, backed up and peeled out. I clung onto the engine like Robert Deniro in "Cape Fear" girl. My hat fell off, my wig fell off as my bodies was being dragged, inches from the road, below his car.

He kept on driving. And driving. And driving. My fingers were bleeding, the back of my shirt was rubbed off from dragging along the street and I was about to pass out from absolute fatigue. My eyes were caked shut with dried eye goo from the wind blowing my my eyes while I was crying. The driver stopped at a toll booth about an hour after he began driving. I let go and let the car drive over me. The bumper caught my shoe and it flipped me over longways and onto my belly. I shake it off, look up and a car is coming right at me int he toll booth lane. I Spiderman-jumped up and onto the car's hood and just stood there, motionless, huffing and puffing from the stress. The driver was speechless and just sat there, staring at me. I was looking at him, all crazy-eyed. I still had my purse so I threw some change at the toll attendant and told the man in the car to give me a ride. Too scare to say no, he unlocked the passenger door but I crawled in through the sunroof, which was much harder and more akward than I thought it would be. I sat down and buckled the safety belt, looking at the driver the whole time.

He was a young white boy, about 20. Scruffy hair, tattoos all over his right shoulder and a cigarette dangling from his pouty lips. I thought he was wearing lipstick, but it wa shis natural lip color. I wanted to chew them off and eat them they looked so sexy, girl. I introduced myself. "I am Lady Raptastic. I don't normally do this. I am a flight attendant." (I lied to impress him. Do not judge).

"Hi. I am Criffer. I'm a gay bank robber. You want to join me?"

I said yes. At this point, I could not return to my normal life. I had to begin anew..or at least go rob a bank with Criffer and then never go back to that convenience store again.

We drove in silence to a bank that was closed. He walked up to the back window and smashed it in. He hoisted me into the window and I grabbed the bags of money that were just sitting there under the counter. I threw them out to him. He hoisted me back out and we made a quick getaway to a Denny's where my favorite waitress, Lurlene, was serving her famous coffee. Criffer and I toasted our newly formed bank robbing friendship and gnawed down on some Moons Over Mi-Hammy and an All-American Slam. He had an herbal tea and a salad. He gay, you know.

-LR
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The Lady Raptastic Podcast: 1-877-506-3403
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