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Oprah gay?
My neighbor made me a pineapple upside down cake one time for my birthday. She said "I made it because I know you like sweet things." Then she smile a little and gave me that look like "I am gay." I closed the door, dropped the cake onto a paper plate and let my other friend's dog eat it. I was dog sitting.

Which brang me to the news I seen on the magazine and tv about Oprah releasing a statement about her not bein gay with her close ladyfriend who she work on top of, Gayle King. A magazine headline said her almost-husband Stedman is writing a book, and in that book it say Oprah gay. My thang is this: powerful women got the gut of a man, so they got the sexual desire of a man...a desire for da coot.

Oprah gay and here how I know:
1. Her favorite book, the one that she read it she gave copies to all her friends, The Color Purple, was about a lesbian.
2. Oprah never married.
3. The name Gayle has the word gay in it.

But here is where I say something on my box. I do not care if you is gay, straight, rich, poor, black, white...as long as you decent people, march on. As long as you honest people, march on. As long as you not stupid people, march on.


A nasty letter
I got a message on this myspace message thang from a boy named Lucky sayin I am not funny. At first I was going to go find his address on the internet and hunt him down and slash him with whatever sharp object i could find when i got there. But I got hold of my senses, ate a bag of marshmallows and chose to write an open letter to Lucky on my blog. There are only nine people who read this dang thing, but maybe one of them will be Lucky and maybe one of them who is Lucky will see how stupid you is, Lucky:

Lucky-

I got yo letter and I have to say it put me in my place. You sayin I am not funny and sayin my language is stupid made my face vibrate, my hand ball up into fists of indetrimintamable rage, and my wall under my window get kicked with my shoeless left foot. And yes, it hurt.

I work hard to bring you quality entertainment, you fleabag rat tooth bucket face yarn hair over-sized shoe doritoo neck gobstoppin butter nut dog dropping! I swear to you on my life if you was here I'd wing you so hard in the air, you'd elevate away from my hands. Yes, I could levetate you I would swing you so hard. So you need to watch out for me. If I ever see you in my face, Lucky, I will wrap a plastic hose around your throat and use you as a stairmaster, walkin all up and down your filthy body.

I am funny, my show is funny and i have just kicked yo face off yo head in front of all nine of my readers.

Janet is no longer fat
Yes, Lady Raptastic is now sucking big crowe for making fun of Janet. I forgot once you get big that you can lose weight. I have been nig so long I think once you big, you big forever. My bad. So props to Janet and for those of you who chastized me on my old blog for beating her down verbally, I apologize. The ho look good, don't she?

Shoe Fest
I got a part time job at Shoe Fest. People often write to me asking me how I earn a living sitting at home doing nothing, recording a podcast every three months. Well, I have a private donor if you must know. He is a family friend who has kept me in the fineries of life so I don't have to work.

But he died.

So now I am back to work, this time at Shoe Fest, this place eight blocks from my house. I walk there. it's a nice walk, by a park, a few pretty houses, and a bodega with the pastry section hidden from view of the clerk. And the clerk is this old Asian woman with bad eyesite. So now on my way to and from work, I snatch a cake or doughnut.

Chris
I called Chris again today and still got the answering machine. Whatever. He gone, so be it. I will move on. I do have a surprise for you, loyal blog reader. All nine of you. I have a new podcast coming in a few days. We recorded it awhile ago and it just never got put on to the internet. So, keep salivating, keep wishing and hoping it will come soone rthan you think, like Christmas, and pretty soon you will have episode 49 of the Lady Raptastic show.

Peace on earth and goodwill men.

-LR