Broken dreams and vases

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I had a wonderful morning today. First, I had a handful of donuts from the bodega near my house. I have what I consider to be very large hands, so a handful of donuts is exactly a baker's dozen. As I walked and ate my free (yes they was pilfered) breakfast, I sang Amazing Grace to myself as a pidgeon flew just above my head in front of me. He seemed to be leading me, so I followed. It flew in circles above the street, so I walked into the street and got hit by a girl on a bike. She yelled at me, threw rock at my head and caused me to lose the vice-grip on my donuts, just because when she hit me, she fell off her bike and broke a glass vase from Pottery Barn she were carryin in her cheap backpack. I said to her, "How can you be cryin about a vase from some place called da Pottery Barn? A barn for pottery? That sound nasty and cheap. Why don't you go to the bodega? They got vases in there real pretty for two ninety-nine!" Then I beat her senseless, picked up half a donut that did not fall into the puddle of dog wet, and was on my way.

I got back onto the sidewalk, looking for the pidgeon. But he had gone by now. I tried singing Amazing Grace to myself again, but my singing was drowned out by the girl's cryin, the cop cars squealin up and the man from the bodega yellin somethin in his cell phone in some language that sound like a cartoon. I stopped singing and turned around to see what all the commotion was about. The cops was walking towards me, the bodega man was pointin at me and the girl with the broken vase was yelling "Revenge! Revenge!" at the top of her crazed-out lungses. I knew what I had to do.

I elbowed the first-story window of a lovely townhome to my left, jumped inside, lit the couch on fire and threw it out the window (this is called bait and swish. I seen it on magyver back in the day when my friend used to babysit me at this church). I ran to the back of the house and found a phone. I called 911 and told them my baby had choked on my husband's key ring (just for fun) then ran out the back of the house all the way to my own house, singing Amazing Grace and wishing I had kept a hold on at least one of them donuts.

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-LR