Beyonce, CEO, 680

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Beyonce nasty
Have you seen her new video? She is grabbin on Jay-Z's crotch-junk, dancing zulu-style in the dirt and dancing like a freak. I am not happy with this video and think she needs to redo it. Apparently, there's a petition to have Columbia music redo the video. I agree. Beyonce nasty.

680 visitors today alone
Why are there so many people up in my junk as of late? Dang! I feel so loved. Keep it coming or I will cry alone in my bedroom holding a doll baby and staring at my autographed picture of Usher crosseyed.

I am a CEO
I started a new company called "Whamoo" with my friend Tiki the other day and we are so very excited about this new venture. Whamoo is a new flavored milk drank we come up with that take the flavor of candy and the healthiness of milk and mix them together. We basically dump Kool-aid powder into gallons of milk, then put it in a new container. She designed the label. It's got two babies holding the name on their shoulders. The babies are actually Tiki's babies. We took their photos and then got this boy to make the label. She had the vision of the design and I paid for the printing. It's cute.

Whamoo is new and we are going to try to sell it at local bodegas and gift shops. The good thing is that it doesn't need refrigeration. We got this chemical from a friend that keeps it cold without refrigeration. I am excited. Be on the lookout for Whamoo at a store near you.

Cat ate a purse
I was walkin to a birthday party last night and saw this skinny a** cat gnawing on a old brown purse. I wondered why it was doing this, so I went to remove the purse from the cat's mouth. It jump up and onto my face, gripping the sides of my head with all four paws with it's claws digging deep into my face. I screamed and slammed the cat with my birthday present (a wrapped box of pop tarts) repeatedly, but it would not get off me. So I walked up to a wall and slam my face against it a few times. The cat released it's grip and slid off my face like pudding and fell into a box. I look inside the purse and there was a small baby inside. It was alive but the cat had eaten the baby's right hand completely off. nasty. I took the baby to a hospital where my friend Trina work at. She took the baby in and ask me if I knew where the cat was that ate the baby's hand off. I said yes and she said I needed to go get the cat and bring it into the hospital.

I walked back to the scene of the cat crime, and there was the cat, licking it's wounds and stumbling around , dizzy. I knew what I had to do. I grab it, grab the knife from my pocket, gut it, grab out the baby hand and brought it back to the hospital. The cat was still alive after the gutting and walked away, more dizzy.

The hand got sewn back onto the baby and I got a $500 prize for bravery and heroship. I went to the "Big and Beautiful" clothing store and bought a tennis outfit and some barretts.

Okaaay!?