Losing My Mind

Ladies and gentlemen, something is wrong with me. I have been awake for two hours now and so far I have laid on the couch and stared at the wall. I have not had breakfast or used the bathroom or showered. I do not know how long this will last. I felt a strange feeling in my stomach ealier, but realized that it was just the sensation of hunger, something I have never had to feel before. The air conditioning man came in this morning to fix my unit, and I did not get up. I just stared at the cealing wall and made him work around me. I was completely naked. My phone rang and I picked it up and it was this guy I had beer with a couple nights ago. He wanted to take me on a date to the zoo but I said "I can't. I am starin at this wall." He knew that I must be depressed, so he told me to get up and go to my happy place.

Later at Dunkin Donuts, I was eating and saw an ex-boyfriend named Tam Tam. He said hello and introduced me to his pregnant girlfriend Rebe. I asked her if she was named after Rebe Jackson and she said yes, all straight-faced. I busted out laughing, spitting a little on her cheek. She did not think it was funny, so she coughed and spit a mixture of blood and flem in my face. I would have body slammed her and broke her in half, but she was pregnant, so I bit my lip and gave her a pass. She walked out of the store with her doughnut and had a cigarrette. I apologized to Tam Tam for my behavior and asked him to apologize to Rebe for me. He said he would, then put his arm around me and french kissed me. I fell backwards onto the floor and so did he, on top of me. The lady behind me that was carrying a tray of coffees tripped over us and spilled hot coffee all over my face, scalding me. I screamed and the manager brought a mop out and put the mop right on my face to clean up the mess. Pretty soon everyone was yelling at me and mopping me in the face. I was screaming "Tam! Please! Help! I am being mopped!" but he ran out to his smoking pregnant girlfriend and drove away.

I finally got up and broke the broom in half and jabbed the person who was mopping me in the stomach. I took the other one, broke it in two, tied them together with some string I had in my pocket, and made num chucks. I beat up the entire Dunkin Donuts in two minutes. Everyone was on the ground moaning. I saw the cops come so I ran into the kitchen, shimmied up the exhaust pipe above the stove and excaped on horseback (Dunkin Donuts is only a minute from my apartment, so I figured I would take the horse to save on gas).

And now I am here, staring at the wall again. The past few days have had their toll on my brain. I think I just need to sit here, relax a bit, and stare at this wall.