Madonna Concert Ticket

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Hey y'all. I got a ticket to the next madonna concert. Now, you may be wondering (a) Why I would want to go to a Madonna concert and (b) How I got the ticket. Well, (b) is the reason for (a), and (b) just happens to be my friend Olivia, an airline pilot who flies to Vegas constantly. She know this man named Turkey (his nickname) who run a diamond store next to a deli Madonna eat at when she go to Vegas. Turkey got word she was coming in one weekend and, while she was ordering a foot long keilbasa (I guess that's kaballah-approved. I do not know. I know it's not on Weight Watchers though) he handed her security personell a velvet box. The security personel sent it through their safety detection system (it's this bag they carry on they shoulder made of rubber. She said Turkey said they put it in the rubber bag for thirty seconds, and then, like a microwave, it dings and they remove it. I guess it detects illegal substances or something. Iwould like to own a rubber bag, not because it could detect substances, but so that I have a place to, ahem, vomit, when I get ill at the club. I always hate runnin out into the cold and doing it in front of the people in line waiting to get in. I lift my head up after doing the deed and they all lookin at me. One time I punch a girl in the elbow just cuz she gave me that look. She pull a blade out her purse and it was on. I high kicked her in the left ear and blood shot out her head all over this lady wearing a white fake fur rabbit coat. This caused a dramatic scene, but I managed to run back into the club aand into the safe confines of the lady's bathroom to wash my face and put on more makeup.

So anyways, Turkey pass the box through security to Madonna, Madonna loved what was inside- a diamond pendant in the shape of a kitty litter box (I think that is stupid if you ask me) and gave Turkey a hug. Security got his name and number and within a week, he had tickets to her unscheduled concert.

So, how did the tickets get from Turkey to Olivia to me? Turkey met Olivia for frinks in a wine bar. (Frinks=free drinks okaaaay!!!) Why would anyone go to a bar that served only wine? What if you want a Krunk & Tonic? What they gonna do, go to the bar next door and get it for you? Anyways, he gave her the tickets and expected, well, repayment. She said she did nto want to ruin their friendship and he asked for the tickets back! She said no and he tried to get them out of her purse. She scream and pull the mace out from under her bra and shot him in the face. He fell down, pulling the table cloth and all the glassware with him (including a cracker tray and a two-pound cheese ball). She grab her purse and ran out wih those tickets, but not before giving him a swift kick to the left ear (she learned the passion for the left ear-attack from me okaaay!!!) She call me and I was thrilled- not to see Madonna, but that she got all up in some drama. For the first time- it ain't me all entangled and embroiled!
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