Humpner Autos Moose

I was up on myspace today and found a picture of me in my old summer job costume! I was "Humpy" the moose for this car dealership called Humpner Auto near my house two summers ago. I had to walk around the dealership in that costume and hand out flyers and ice cream. They actually had a little stand set uo for me to scoop the ice cream into cones and hand to people. It was very hard to do, so many days after about thirty minutes of being in the costume and serving up cones, the front part of the costume was dripping with old ice cream. After about two hours it would dry. One time it got so bad they gave me a t-shirt to wear over the fur costume. There was this very large man who worked there named Jim but people called him "Apple Britches" who gave me the t-shirt he just happened to have in his trunk that day. It worked. You couldn't see the stains...until I went scooping more and I got ice cream all over the shirt, too.

People loved to take photos of me with them. I remember this one family that had six kids. They each wanted their own photo with me, then they wanted a group shot. I could see the ice cream melting in the carton next to me out of my left moose nostril. I got them through as quick as I could, but once they were done and asked me for the ice cream, all i could offer them was a half gallon of pink watery sugar syrup. The kids got beligerant and started to cry. The parents yelled at me for not having good customer service skills. I got so mad I yelled back. The father, thinking I was a man, pushed me up against thaat staircase you see in the photo and threatened to rip the head off my costume and "punch the inside of my brain" till his kids got their ice cream. I pushed him off me and he fell backwards onto the ice cream table. The ice cream spilled off the table and onto his wife while he went down with the table. I was laughing so hard as I ran I thought I would pass out.

I made it to the service center where I told the workers what had happened. They couldn't hear me so I had to scream it. I could have taken the head off but I was so sweaty and did not have my wig on (and I had a crush on Pedro, the lube man) so I kept it on. I screamed as loud as I could but they still couldn't hear me. Just then the father came up from behind me with a large rope and started choking me. I wa sleaning backwards and the workers got on the father and pulled him off.

You know how in those service "bays" they have those pits where the people can go down into and work on the underbelly of the cars? After the father got pulled off me, I fell into one and broke my collar bone. I actaully never hit the bottom of the pit. I got wedged. They had to cut me out of the costume and call in "jaws of life" to get me out. I was humiliated because Pedro was there and he saw the whole thing. When they pulled me out I caught his eye. He looked like he was smiling at me. Or laughing. I don't know which.

Ok, i am going tubing with my friend Labeisha on this canal near our house. It's cold as heck but she got two scuba suits. Okaaaay!!!