She Married

Here come the skank. Here come the skank. He must have some bank cuz his face is lookin rank.

So this afternoon while dat nurse be out at da laundromats, I call up my ol boo Keith. He a playa and I know dis. But listen... sometime you just need the company of a man to set you right. And Lord know at dis poin in my life I need to be set right.

So Keith come over and we made some small talk about dis and a small talk bout dat. Dis where it get freak nasty, so kids cover your ears and parents change the channel. I set my Oreo sack down on the Layzee Boy and he put his orange drink down on the coffee table. He look at me like I'm da last ho on this earths. He stand up. I try to stand but fall out my wheelchair. He come over and try to pick my bodies up. I reach for him and hit the forward control on my wheelchair which causes it to hit him in the shins over and over by mistake. He fall back onto a side table and the goldfish bowl. I pull myself up and on top of him, gazin up in is brawny browns. I shift my weight onto his left side as apparently my weight be so much on his left he stopped breathin for some moments.

I give him a kiss and he be smilin. We makin contact and about to do some damage to dis rather dreary day. (OOh just thinkin bout it give me poetry--Okkkaaay!!!!) Then I try to remove my blouse. Just then, dat fish come boucin around his face and bounce so high he go up in the air and land in Keith's mouth. Girl he started to choke and wave his arm like a seagull goin crazy. He throw me off and be runnin around my house tryin to make himself throw the fish up. Just then, the nurse come through the front door. She throw down my laundry (I hate her- she threw it right into a pile of dust in the corner) and gave him da heimlichs. He hugged him from behind (I was jealous) and out pop that goldfish. Well, half of it. The other half come out after. Ew.

Needlesses to have been said, Keith was in no mood to continue the romantic interludinal motions we was getting into before the fish incident. He put me back in my chair, gave me a hug and left.

Let me give you a head up- I am going to be killlin a dog soon. No, not some man who cheated on me, but a real dog. It's my neighbor's dog. (And if you readin dis you nasty neighbor I do not care- call da cops...Yo dog is dead) He bark all day, all night, leave giant piles of dookee on the front stoop, the sidewalk, their backyard (which stank when the wind blows from that way), everywhere is his dookee dookee dookee. I looked up how to do the deed myselves. But I do not want to give up my favorite snacks for this task. Instead I spoke with my friend Tre-Nyce, a hairdresser my gay cousin know. He tole me to use anti-freeze. Apparently dis junk taste like candy to a dog. So, wait and check back tomorrow- I may be killin dogs.