Lady Raptastic in Trouble

Girrrrl, you will not believe this. You will NOT believe this! Today I'z drivin down a road called Rosalind which cuts right through the downtown. They be like a red light for every 10 second of drivin, and I was da first in line at the light. As I was approachin, dis young black girl in a mini skirt come ridin on her bike cross the street. See thats the first problem! When I was growins up, mama would have slapped my head off if I cross the road without holdin her hand, but especially if I road my bike cross. Everyone be knowin you gots to walk the bike.

I see this girl trying to act all bad like she could eat a apple with both hands while riding da bike simultanastely. Girrrl, those handlebars flung around backwards and she flew over the bike onto the assfault. I got to see this in front row. I think I must have screamed louder than she did cuz as she in mid air, her head turn and look at me. It was kind a scary like dat video of bigfoot where he be walkin by and his head turn to the camera. All this happen in slow motion. She fell so hard, her shoe still be laying in the middle of the road.

I didn't want to get out the car, but I knew I had to help her since she a sista. Girrrl, they be all this traffic honking and I'm out in the road collectin her shoes and pickin up her bike. Dis part you wont believe, she yell at me! She say, "Dont touch my shoes ho!" I think it was cuz she be all embarrased for fallen in front a everybody, but that still aint right. So I take her bike and throw it under a moving vehicle. I wasn't tryin to disrepect, but she gots to learn a lesson. I was still in the middle of the road screamin at her, "I'm gonna kill you bi%$&!" when a old woman drivin a BMW come at me like a train. Girl, they be dis moment where our eyes meet and we both screamin. She had dis look like she bout to hit a deer. I know I'm gonna get hit so I jumps about 3 feet into the air and do this double flip onto her windshield and roll over da car landin on the road behind it, on my back. Last thing I see before I pass out was that little whore peddelin away laughin.

Ya'll, I be all up in the hospital now. I don't know whats wrong, but all these wires be all around me and I think I might be paralized. I really need ya'lls support right now. I dont know whats gonna happen. I type dis whole thing with my mouth. It took me four hours! Its hard to make the symbols cuz you have to hold the shift key and punch the buttons at the top. Pray for me ya'll!